Because I'm A Girl
by c0ldcomfort
Summary: The only thing more frightening than losing the one you love is finding them again.
1. Chapter One

Because I'm A Girl by Tina Bui  
  
Disclaimer- this is the standard disclaimer right here and now. I do not own Sailor Moon, and I have no part in it whatsoever. So don't sue me since I'm broke and even if you win, you won't get much so you're wasting your time.  
  
Summary- She was thrown into her destiny, unknown of the repercussions and the life-changing events that would come. Her childhood friend now hated who she was while her new friends didn't understand the depths of her pain. Battered and bruised, she longs to find herself and to be released from her responsibilities.  
  
Author's Notes- I live in Canada so we don't really get the mature version of Serena. All we get is the ditzy and hormonal teenager. I've always wondered how Serena truly dealt with the pain of Nephlite's demise and how her world changed ever since she became Sailor Moon. If I have made any mistakes in the story, please state so in your review. Thank you in advance and let the reading commence.  
  
Chapter One- Breaking Down  
  
She tried convincing herself that it wasn't her fault. That he got whatever he deserved. That he was a bad guy, which technically he was, until he met Molly Osaka, her best friend. That was when she lost it. That was the moment all her walls came tumbling down, crushing her at the same time.  
  
Nephlite was one of Beryl's generals. He was a bad guy. Simple as that, one would think. Who knew that beneath all of his coldness and his lack of emotions, was a man that had the ability to fall in love with her best friend. And had the feeling returned. Molly had loved him with all her heart, even though she didn't even know his real name. She knew him as Maxfield Staton. As a kind and gentle man that had never laid a finger on an insect.  
  
And that was how it started. The two fell in love and she had softened his heart. Molly had ignored all the warnings she had given and even the Scouts. She had risked her life to be with the man she claimed to have loved. She supposed it was fairly romantic, like one of Shakespeare's brilliant plays. One of the world's modern Romeo and Juliet stories.  
  
Maybe that was why everyone thought it was romantic. That two people who were total opposites -- one glowered in darkness while the other bathed in innocence - had fallen in love. But when you put in that position, when your life was at risk as were many others, when you got down to the hard, cold truth, it wasn't romantic. Not at all. Not until you were in that position and had to choose between life and love. Not at all.  
  
If only love was enough, she thought bitterly as the cold October wind made her spine shiver as she walked home from her friend's house. She had just dropped Molly off at her home and immediately started to walk home. She still remembered those three vicious pain-filled words Molly had shouted at her.  
  
"I *hate* you!"  
  
She had meant it, she was sure. More sure than she had ever been in her whole entire life. Her best friend hated her. Wished death upon her, possibly. And she deserved it. Why reason did she have not to? It was her fault that. what happened happened.  
  
"Why didn't you save him? You had the power to save him! Why?"  
  
It was true; she did have the power to save him yet she didn't. She had stood there like a mindless drone that had no emotions. She let the love of her best friend, no, sister's life die. Just because she thought he was evil. He had proven himself over and over that he truly loved Molly but she didn't lift a finger to save him. She thought that since he was with the Negaverse that he was automatically evil. That he couldn't feel a single emotion. She was wrong. Because he did. He did feel and more.  
  
She might as well be labeled his murderer. She didn't kill him but she had a hand in helping Zoicite. She looked down at her hands and winced at the sight. Where there had been soft, delicate hands now turned into a killer's.  
  
She walked faster and surprisingly, didn't jump at the sound of the loud thunderbolt. She didn't run but took her time walking to her home. She was almost near it, only four more blocks and she was home.  
  
But instead of the fleeting happiness that home was only a few minutes away, she felt afraid. What would her family say if they truly knew her and what she had just did? How would they react to having a daughter and a sister as a killer?  
  
The tears came harder now, like with the rain that was falling down like speeding bullets. She was drenched in her school uniform and it was midnight. A girl like her shouldn't be outside at that time; she should be at home, sleeping where she was comforted by her mother's calm, soothing voice. She remembered what her mother used to say when she was scared of the thunderstorms that were raging outside her bedroom window.  
  
"It won't hurt innocent girls."  
  
She believed her mother then and she still believed her now. Was that true? Would it hurt her now since she was not innocent? Her youth and innocence had been stolen away from her the moment she became Sailor Moon. The moment she had taken the life of a youma. Was there anything left that would protect her? That would give her the shelter and warmness she longed?  
  
The answer came as fast as her sudden question. No. It wouldn't. There wasn't anything left that could protect her. Maybe once long ago, but now. now that she had. done what she let happened. There was no more warmth. No more loving arms to soothe her from her nightmares.  
  
She stopped. She was facing straight from her home. She paused and turned the other way. And ran.  
  
She had ran for a good while until she came onto the bridge. She slowly walked to the ledge and looked down at the water that was flowing under. A mucky gray blue was its color. It fit her mood.  
  
The tears wouldn't stop; they wouldn't decease. They kept falling and kept clouding her vision. She chocked back a son and fell down to her knees, her back to the ledge. She wrapped her arms around her knees and let out a cry. She tried not to make a sound but found that she couldn't stop. Didn't want to stop. She wanted all the pain and grief to go away. She wanted the agony gone but most of all, she wanted the guilt to go away. To stop eating away at her.  
  
She never asked for this. She never wanted to become a Scout but did that matter? All that mattered was that it was her destiny. Well, screw destiny, she thought angrily. But the moment she said that, she took it back. Destiny wasn't one to be messed around with. She could always wish that she had a different destiny but that wouldn't change. Couldn't change.  
  
The rain beat down and the raindrops came more frequently and more harsh. As if Mother Nature was punishing her. She felt so alone at that single moment. More alone when her kindergarten teacher singled her out, when she had broke her leg and it took her mother hours to find her in the park. She felt as if the world was singling her out now. Like she was always meant to be alone.  
  
Ami and Rei didn't feel like this, she knew that. Sure, they felt sorry that Nephlite had died, but the guilt was eating at them. Not like it was eating at her. They were alone before they had become Scouts so becoming heroines gave them a sense of pride and content. They had a sense of purpose. But she didn't want that. She was fine with being a ditzy, teenager.  
  
But that didn't matter. Just like always. Her needs and wishes were always second best, if anything.  
  
  
  
  
  
He supposed it was crazy. Walking in the rain at midnight. But he couldn't sleep. Every time he tried closing his eyes, the sadness came immediately. Not his sadness, but someone else. The pain was so raw that he almost doubled over when it had first hit him.  
  
He turned right at the traffic light and started moving his legs faster. He was driven to the bridge where he then saw her. Serena Tsukino.  
  
They had never been civil to one another. Their routine was simple and one of the most basic. She would bump into him, he would tease her, and she'd get angry and storm away. Never more than teasing. They weren't close friends, or even friends in the slimmest way. They were more like acquaintances that would piss the other off.  
  
But when he saw her and her defeated aura, his heart broke. He could literally hear his cold heart break at the sight of her tears. She looked so lost and sadness was etched everywhere on her beautiful face. Her tears looked like tiny crystals that had fallen from heaven.  
  
He ran to her.  
  
They never were more than friends but he felt as if she was close to him. Like he wanted to shield her away from the pain she was emitting. He reached her in a second and hesitated.  
  
What if she wanted to be alone? What if she hated him that much that she would rather be alone than with him?  
  
A sob was croaked out of her mouth and the questions he had flew out his mind. He knelt down and enveloped her in a warm embrace. She didn't return his hug though. She sat there tense and didn't even attempt to push him off of her. She sat there and cried.  
  
He had heard her cry several times but tonight, it was different. She wasn't whining and pouting over a minor thing. She was crying like she had lost someone.  
  
He gently picked her up and carried her to his apartment. She was drenched and felt warm against his skin. She circled hr arms around his neck and held onto him. He walked as fast as he could but softly all the while.  
  
He opened the front doors of the building and pressed the button for the elevator. It opened quickly and he walked in and pressed for floor '9'. She had stopped her cries and leaned her head in the crook of his neck and rested there for a moment.  
  
He walked out of the elevator and into his apartment where he laid her down on the couch gently. She got off him and sat there, staring straight ahead, her eyes vacant.  
  
He knelt down to meet at her eye level and cringed inwardly. There was no emotion there. Her baby blues were void.  
  
"Serena?" he whispered softly. She slowly slid out of her world and looked at him. Her eyes were searching his for something and then shock came into her eyes.  
  
"Darien?" she spoke audibly. He had to crane his senses to hear her tiny voice. She sounded so small and fragile, as if she could break at any given moment. Her eyes were done with shedding her tears and she looked at him.  
  
"Where am I?" she asked, looking around his apartment.  
  
"At my place, Serena." He answered and took her cold hands into his, trying to give her warmth. He noticed that she was shivering so he took the blanket that was on the couch and wrapped it around her shivering body.  
  
She sneezed and he jumped at the sound. She was sick from staying out in the rain. Panic filled him and he quickly led her into his bedroom. He laid her on his bed and slid the covers over her.  
  
She didn't say anything and eventually, sleep claimed her.  
  
He sat on his chair, looking at the serene picture she made. She looked so beautiful yet the sadness was eating away at her. His curious mind was confused. Why was she so sad? Didn't something happen to drive her to tears?  
  
He didn't like the feeling that was in his heart right now. He felt like killing whomever that made her like this. He hated the fact that she was sick and sad at the same time.  
  
He noticed that his hands were clenched and quickly unclenched them. How was this possible? How was she able to evoke so many emotions in him?  
  
  
  
Author's Notes- This is my second fanfic that is in work right now and I hope you like it. This fic will be dark and full of angst so I hope you guys like that sort of stuff. If you have any suggestions or nitpicks, please say so in your review. I'd like to say that since I have another story on my platter (Teardrops) that this story will be second on my list to finish. My first priority is Teardrops but I will try to update this whenever I can. 


	2. Chapter Two

Because I'm A Girl by Tina Bui  
  
Disclaimer- this is the standard disclaimer right here and now. I do not own Sailor Moon, and I have no part in it whatsoever. So don't sue me since I'm broke and even if you win, you won't get much so you're wasting your time.  
  
Summary- She was thrown into her destiny, unknown of the repercussions and the life-changing events that would come. Her childhood friend now hated who she was while her new friends didn't understand the depths of her pain. Battered and bruised, she longs to find herself and to be released from her responsibilities.   
  
Author's Notes- I finally finished the second installment in the story. I must apologize for my lack of updates for both Because I'm A Girl and Teardrops. High school is taking its toll on me what with all the projects and events going on. Thank you to all who reviewed. Quinn, I have heard Kiss' song Because I'm A Girl. The downside is that I am not Korean so I have no idea what the song is about although I have seen the music video (I cried like a baby at the end). If it's not too much trouble, can you translate it into English for me? I will understand if you don't, just though I'd ask. If you do, you can email me at talks_alot309@Hotmail.com  
  
Ok, now the story can continue.  
  
Chapter Two- Repercussions  
  
"I once thought you were a hero" Molly said. She walked around her in circles, as if playing a game of predator and prey. She walked slowly and carefully, narrowing her eyes at the sight of her best friend.  
  
"Molly?" Serena croaked out in despair.  
  
"It's me alright, you don't have to be afraid that I'm some youma possessing your *classmate*"  
  
She winced inwardly at the sound of Molly's voice. Her best friend ever since Kindergarten didn't acknowledge her as a friend anymore. Now she was just a classmate to her.  
  
She held back her tears, refusing to show her weakness.  
  
"Aren't you going to say anything? Like, how about, I'm sorry?!" Molly shouted and pushed her to the ground.  
  
She landed violently and clenched her fists to forget the state of pain she was in. She shook her head and stood up slowly and carefully, not taking her eyes off Molly.  
  
"I bet you're not even sorry. I bet that you wanted to kill him all along." She accused.  
  
"NO! I didn't want to kill him, I never did!" she pleaded, protests automatically spewing out from her mouth. How could Molly think that she would ever want to kill? Didn't she know her better than that?  
  
"The answer's no, by the way."  
  
Her eyes narrowed and a wave of confusion washed over her, as if trying to clean her but failed. What was the question in the first place?  
  
"I don't know you better than that. I once thought I did. but you proved me over and over again that I don't."  
  
"What are you talking about?" Serena whispered, tears trying to seep through and clouding her line of vision.  
  
"You used to consider me as your best friend. But if that were true, why didn't you tell me that you were Sailor Moon?"  
  
She froze at the sentence and she could swear that she stopped breathing. She did have a point, she hated to admit. She could have told Molly but she didn't. She didn't want to put her in more danger. The negaverse targeted her just because Molly's mother owned a jewelry store. If something happened to her and it was her own fault, she couldn't bear it.  
  
But something did happen to her already. Even if she wasn't injured on the outside. Inside, it was a whole different story. Inside, Molly was like a broken toy. Once she was a happy go lucky junior high school student. Now, with the death of her beloved, she was like a train wreck just waiting to crash any minute. She could self-destruct anytime.  
  
"I couldn't. I wanted to so much. But I." she started, only to be cut off by the piercing pain of Molly's backhand.  
  
She had slapped her. Hard. So hard that she fell down once again and that she could still feel the sting and her bones aching.  
  
She didn't bother getting up. or hiding her tears.  
  
  
  
He tiptoed over to the kitchen after silently closing the bedroom door. She had been at his place for over two hours. He didn't know what to do. All his life, he had never been in a situation like this. When he saw Serena, he could literally hear his heart break into pieces every time one of her tears fell down to the ground.  
  
He shook his head, almost violently and slammed the fridge door. Why was he feeling this way? Never had he felt like this about a girl. And this was Serena, for God's sake. She was the clumsy sixteen-year-old girl that always stuffed her face with sweets, that couldn't walk while chewing gum or processing a thought. She was the girl who always bumped into him, the one who's soft skin always caressed him on their daily collision.  
  
He froze. What did he just think?  
  
Another shake of the head. No. He wasn't going to feel this way. no more. Never.  
  
If only he knew then how nearly impossible his resolution would be to accomplish.  
  
  
  
  
  
She tossed and turned in the bed where she laid. Immediately, she opened her eyes and sat up straightly. She surveyed her surroundings and slowly, she stood up. She walked as if in a trance to the mirror and looked at her vanity.  
  
Her eyes were sunken in. Her hair was tussled and somehow had lost their bright shine. She was not the innocent, naive, young girl anymore. Where she now stood, was just space occupied by matter.  
  
Her fingers roamed around the picture that was on the counter. It was of a couple, probably around their mid-thirties, give or take a few years. The man was tall, that part was obvious. He had the darkest black hair that reflected specks of light where the sun shone down on his head. He had a protective arm around the girl, she supposed it was his girlfriend by the smile on his face. The woman was beautiful. She had auburn hair that went down the her shoulder. Her eyes were magnificent. A flawless midnight blue. Darien must have gotten his eyes from his mother.  
  
'So deep'.  
  
  
  
  
  
He finally finished the tea he was preparing for Serena when he struck with a powerful headache. He fell down to his knees, clutching his head. With his eyes closed, he struggled for self-control. Gritting his teeth, he was greeted by dark visions.  
  
Her hair was pure gold. The kind of treasure that was sure to be on the other side of the rainbow for those who waited patiently at the end. She looked troubled. Her shaky posture had proven that to him. But there was more. The Princess that had graced his dreams ever since his birth, looked exactly like Serena!  
  
He reached out only to see his hand go through her. Confusion enveloped him in a huge tidal wave when he saw another person coming. It was him! He narrowed his eyes in suspicion. What was going on? Never had he had a vision like this. Usually his visions didn't show him the Princess' face. Now it was Serena!  
  
The man that wore his face, he decided it was an impostor, walked slowly to the Princess. Her body seemed to relax in his mere presence. He, the impostor, wrapped his arms around the beauty from behind. The couple had stood like that for a couple of minutes. That was, until the Princess broke it.  
  
"We have to stop," she started. With visible difficulty, she turned herself around to face him. Her eyes were wet with tears and she didn't try to hide them. She wasn't ashamed of her emotions. At least, not all of them.  
  
"Why?" the look-alike growled. It was evident that anger was consuming him. His hands became stiff and were unmoving.  
  
"You know why Endymion," the Princess whispered, shaking her head. Her small hands wrapped themselves around his large ones.  
  
"Please Serenity, rethink this. I beg of you," he pleaded with begging eyes. He embraced her and it looked like he had no intention of letting go anytime in the next centuries.  
  
That didn't stop Serenity. She roughly backed away from him and held her hand in front of her, silently telling him to not to come any closer. And at that motion, slicing an invisible into his already-crushed heart.  
  
"I love you Serenity. So much that it hurts. I do not care what the consequences are for this love. I just want to be with you. Only you," he declared in an attempt to change her mind. Tears slowly built up to his eyelids but he forced them at bay.  
  
"Do you not love me?" he asked, bowing his head.  
  
Her answer was as quick as a lightning bolt preparing to strike.  
  
"You know I do! But our emotions do not matter. What matters is that we must stop this." "Affair? Do not tell me that what we have is just an affair. That we are making love for the hell of it! Because you know that is not it! We are in love. Never, ever call what we have an affair!" he shouted with the passion of a thousand bloodthirsty savages.  
  
"I was not going to call it that. I do love you Endymion. But like I have stated before, our love is taboo. It is forbidden."  
  
"I do not care. I do not care that you are the Crown Princess of the Moon Kingdom and the heir of the Silver Millennium. I do not care that I can die for thinking of being in love with you. I do not. All I care about is being with the one I love."  
  
"You may not care about dying for me, but I do. I care Endymion. I will not be able to live with myself if you were to die."  
  
The Princess was dead set on her decision. It was obvious that she loved him. With every word she spoke, with every gesture she used, with every emotion she was trying to conceal in her eyes, she loved him.  
  
Just as Endymion was about to reply with another declaration of love, Darien was thrust out of the vision just as easily as he slipped into one.  
  
He slowly got up, as if shielding himself from more painful encounters. He gripped the end of the kitchen counter and pulled himself up. He opened his eyes carefully and took deep, calming breaths in and out. In and out, he repeated the mantra again and again in his mind until it calmed his fast-beating heart.  
  
He looked down at his feet and widened his eyes at the sight of the broken glass that fell when he had. The tea had spilled out and some seeped through his shirt. He quickly moved his legs to go to the washroom when he had bumped into Serena. The two crashed down to the floor with him on top. 


	3. Chapter Three

Because I'm A Girl by Tina Bui  
  
Disclaimer- this is the standard disclaimer right here and now. I do not own Sailor Moon, and I have no part in it whatsoever. So don't sue me since I'm broke and even if you win, you won't get much so you're wasting your time.  
  
Summary- She was thrown into her destiny, unknown of the repercussions and the life-changing events that would come. Her childhood friend now hated who she was while her new friends didn't understand the depths of her pain. Battered and bruised, she longs to find herself and to be released from her responsibilities.  
  
Chapter Three - Trapped  
  
It was as if they were destined to bump into the other. Literally. The first time they had met, it was by her throwing the crumpled test behind her. Their reactions were spontaneous. She thought he was the most arrogant man on earth she had met. He thought she was a fallen angel that had the ability to grate on his self-control to no end. Every meeting they had, he longed to kiss her luscious lips.  
  
At this precise moment, she was testing his hard-earned control yet again. He was on top. She was on the bottom. Simple enough, right? Wrong. Deadly wrong. With the vision of the last meeting of his dream princess, his control was barely there. His arms were beside hers while their legs tangled with another. Her chest was rising and falling, due to the adrenaline left in her body. The mere brush of her body against his made him throw caution to the wind. Almost. In his mind, he still remembered that she was only sixteen (a dangerous time for beautiful girls like herself, he noted). He was twenty and in his third year of post-secondary education where he attended the prestigious Azabu Tech University for the gifted. He was considered one of the most sought-out men on the campus. He had a reputation to uphold. But when he looked into her sparkling baby blue eyes, he forgot all that. All he saw was a beautiful girl. All he felt was the blood pumping faster through his veins.  
  
  
  
Her original plan was to escape. 'I guess that plan backfired a million times worse', she thought. Now she was trapped. Between the feeling of responsibility and desire.  
  
She felt his heart beat faster. Almost as fast as hers, she thought amusingly. She shouldn't be feeling like this. They were enemies. Well, maybe enemies were too strong a word to describe them. They were verbal sparring partners that-somehow-could rub the other in the wrong way. She knew that he had a good side to him, everyone did. She would admit he was handsome. She did have eyes and ears that would occasionally hear how every female in the precinct would sigh at the sight of him. She knew that he was intelligent, he had to have been to attend the most gifted school on this side of Tokyo. He was kind to everyone with the exception of her (which bothered her to no end although she could not figure out why that would matter). But for every good thing she could list, there were two bad things she could also list. He was arrogant. He was boring-what with his daily schedule and his studies. He had a huge temper whenever she would snap back at him. His taste in clothes (especially the olive green jacket and purple pants) was enough to issue an arrest warrant from the fashion police. Yet, every time she saw him, she had the inexplicable urge to run into his arms, and half the times she did, with the excuse that she was late for school, of course.  
  
Which brought her back to the reason why she was trapped at the moment. This time, she had not chosen to 'bump' into him. This time it was accidental. This time, the emotions were stronger than she had ever felt. This time, she was not sure she could control her body's reactions to him.  
  
Their eyes sought out each other and there was an internal battle waging inside of them. Should they or shouldn't they? There were millions of reasons why they shouldn't and only one reason why they should. They wanted to.  
  
She could still feel his fast-beating heart, pulsing against her. The feel of him was addictive. All she would have to do was pull him down.  
  
  
  
He knew what she was going to do. He knew that she would try to kiss him. When he looked into her eyes, he knew. But it wasn't the right moment. It would never be, much to his dismay. He was Tuxedo Mask while she was a normal teenage girl. She could have any man she wanted. They would offer her everything that he couldn't. The guarantee that they would home at her beck and call when he would have to lie about his whereabouts concerning his fights against the Negaverse. They could promise her that they would treat her right. They would treat her right because they knew how to treat someone right. They had learned that knowledge from their parents. They would never hurt her because they were afraid. Afraid of giving up their control and placing their life-and heart-in her hands. He was scared. So scared that he wouldn't live up to her expectations and that he would disappoint her in so many ways. He never knew his parents. Or really, remembered his parents. Ever since he was six, he would get sketches of how his parents were but never exact details. He grew up knowing the bitterness that many orphans had in their jaded hearts. He would not only hurt Serena. He would taint her.  
  
That was why he stopped her from kissing him.  
  
She was confused, that much was obvious. But she wasn't as dense as she portrayed to many others. He knew that she knew it was the wrong time. She was confused over what happened. She was only reacting to the setting and atmosphere. Or so he tried to convince his stubborn mind.  
  
  
  
He stopped her before she could kiss him. She was so close yet she was stopped. Not in a harsh way but in a comforting halt. As if he didn't want to stop her but he had to.  
  
He gently stood up and gave her a hand. She took his gentlemanly offer and he pulled her up slowly. They stood there looking at one another in an uncomfortable silence. The weather outside seemed suitable to their situation. There was a storm brewing outside. The electricity was humming around them and they knew that a horrible storm was coming soon.  
  
He stuffed his hands inside his pockets and realized that the tea stain was still on his shirt. He quickly looked at her and saw her nod, telling him to go change his shirt.  
  
He ran to his room.  
  
  
  
He shook his head and tried his best to calm his heart. It was still beating strong and fast. Damn her. He thought that once he was out of the living room where she was, he would have a chance to calm his nerves. Obviously he was wrong since he was pacing around half naked and in great need of a clean shirt.  
  
How in the world did she have this great hold on him? He was always in control and he would rather die than to give it up. Especially to her.  
  
He stopped and processed what he had just thought. What the hell was wrong with him now? It wasn't her fault. He doubted that she actually knew what she was doing to him. Otherwise, she would've stopped looking the way she did-all beautiful and tortured.  
  
If he wasn't already still, this would be where he would stop once again. He still didn't know what was bothering her.  
  
He quickly pulled out a t-shirt out of his drawers and put it on. With a new mission in his hands, he walked out of his room and went to face her.  
  
  
  
She knew she couldn't go home now. Especially since a storm was right behind her and would immediately destroy her if she dared to step foot outside. She would have to stay at his place.  
  
She chuckled. Even in the most dire situations, she still had her sense of humour. Just not a very good sense of humour.  
  
What almost happened? Keyword there: almost. If it wasn't for him stopping her, they would still be on top of each other kissing. That was not supposed to happen. She wouldn't let it. Then why was it she who initiated it?  
  
It was official. She was losing her mind. 


	4. Chapter Four

Because I'm A Girl by Tina Bui   
  
Disclaimer -this is the standard disclaimer right here and now. I do not own Sailor Moon, and I have no part in it whatsoever. So don't sue me since I'm broke and even if you win, you won't get much so you're wasting your time.   
  
Summary- She was thrown into her destiny, unknown of the repercussions and the life-changing events that would come. Her childhood friend now hated who she was while her new friends didn't understand the depths of her pain. Battered and bruised, she longs to find herself and to be released from her responsibilities.  
  
Chapter Four - Saints and Sinners  
  
She scanned his living room and was not surprised when her two blue orbs realized with a start that he was obsessed with dark colours. The leather couch was black while the t.v. set was obviously black. The paintings he had plastered and hung across his walls were depressing. Dark and bleak colours corrupted them and gave them an aura of helplessness. Was this how depressing his life was? One painting that caught her eye was evidently the one with two lovers hanging onto each other in a bubble. All around them were blood and chaos and surprisingly, they still hung on one another as if their lives depended it. Interesting, it really was. She wasn't sure if she believed in that kind of miraculous love anymore. She had seen many horrors in her young life to still maintain her innocence. But the question was: had she ever held any ounce of innocence in her tainted soul?  
  
She was so absorbed in her thoughts that she didn't hear him walk into the room.  
  
  
  
He was determined to find out what had happened to her. No matter what. He made it his personal goal in life to find out. Okay, maybe that was giving him too much credit. but damnit, he wasn't going to be able to rest until he found out.  
  
He obviously walked in at a very thoughtful moment for her. She was admiring one of his favourite paintings by Lonnie Lonai: Eternal Flame. He had bought it on a whim of impulse. Apparently, that impulse is attaching itself onto Serena. He walked over to her and softly tugged her left arm, an attempt to break her out of her dazed gaze.  
  
Her eyes clouded over but eventually, they found their focus as the two blue orbs zoomed in on him.  
  
"Are you feeling better now?"  
  
Silence was his only answer as she went back to admiring the painting. They both stood there for a good ten minutes before it was she who broke the awkward silence that was upon them.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
If someone had told him that Serena would ever say the words 'thank you' to him of all people, he would have thought they were on drugs. His reaction to her soft voice was his mouth hanging slightly and his eyes widening.  
  
But eventually, he was back to his normal self-whatever he considered as 'normal'.  
  
"For what?"  
  
She met his gaze evenly and offered a tentative smile. Was it an offer of peace?  
  
"Bringing me here, instead of just leaving me out in the rain. I know we don't get along much-well, hardly ever but you really didn't have to do this. But you did."  
  
Only her previous state of being kept him from snapping a nasty insult. At least, that's what he told himself. over and over again.  
  
"It's not a problem at all"  
  
He returned her gaze and led her to the couch. They both sat down at the same time and went back to the deafening silence. After a short while, he pulled her gently to him and enveloped her in an embrace.  
  
"I don't know what happened Serena. But I'll always be here for you when you need me. I promise you."  
  
He meant every word he had just said. And he hoped she would believe him.  
  
"You do know that this makes us friends-in the loose meaning," she teased. He was glad that she was attempting to have a civil conversation with him. But deep within his being, he had hoped that she would insult him. He wanted their predictable banter. Keyword there: predictable. He didn't like being unpredictable. Because that meant that he had no control over his life. Control was one of the many things he treasured. Losing control was one of the fears he had concerning love. Love made you like an animal. Only intent on keeping what's yours and pleasing the one you love. It made your life spin out of control. He had seen what had happen to his friend Andrew when he fell in love with Rita. The two are in love but the distance between the lovers proved far too great. They had broken up in only two weeks since Rita left for Africa. The emotional wreck she left behind was pathetic. Andrew was his best friend but it was the truth. He rarely smiled now, even when he aced his medical test last Monday.  
  
His mind slowly process what she had just said. Friends? The only other friend he had was Andrew. And in a way, Rei was a friend to him but he couldn't shake off the feeling that she wanted more than what he could give her. Even though Serena was teasing him about being 'loose' friends, he rejoiced at the idea. But now when he truly thought about it, she was always a friend to him. Even if they didn't talk about personal things. Even if they couldn't go a day without biting off the other's head. She always had something to say to him. And somehow, she had brightened up his day by just throwing back a charged insult at him.  
  
"I always considered you a friend, Serena. I just didn't tell you."  
  
He hadn't realized he said that out loud until he saw her shocked face. She had stopped whatever movements she was about to make. And slowly, a true smile graced her angelic face.  
  
He didn't know what possessed him to do it. Temporarily insanity, maybe. But when he saw her smile the first time since he found her, he felt his heart flutter. He gently led her into his embrace.  
  
And she followed without a protest on her lips or her mind.  
  
She relaxed as he had in their innocent embrace and closed their eyes simultaneously. After a couple of seconds had passed, they were roughly thrown into a dream-like vision. The first for her, the second for him.  
  
  
  
"Am I interrupting something?"  
  
The cold voice was mistakenly familiar to the both of them yet they didn't know the face that it belonged to. They quickly realized that they could not move from their current position (standing in the embrace they had originally started off with). They were both watching the scene unfold itself, with rapid focus.  
  
The two lovers were both in bed, naked with their legs tangled. Darien recognized the couple for it was the pair that he had seen in his earlier vision-Princess Serenity and Prince Endymion. The royal heir to the Silver Millennium was clearly shocked at the intruder's voice, what with the way the way here eyes had widened and the way she quickly edged away from her lover, leaving a crestfallen look upon his face.  
  
"Xander," the whispered panic belonged to the princess that was quickly shielding her body from the males in the room. Lucky there was a robe lying on the floor next to the bed.  
  
Serena bit back her tongue and felt the realization hit her like a thousand bricks. The girl in the bed with her lover looked extremely like herself. The same blue eyes, the same brightness of her golden hair (although the girl's was tangled and beads of sweat inhabited the area). They were exactly alike. What was going on here?  
  
"Great timing you have, Atlantican Prince." The future king of Earth growled at the person who interrupted his lovemaking to his princess.  
  
"Your mother sent me to get you Sere. She requests your presence in greeting the guests," he said, ignoring Endymion's death-like glare.  
  
Serena's eyes followed the angry Adonis-like prince of Atlantis (which was the Moon's capital city). She noted that he had incredible hazel-green eyes that sparkled with blue specks. His thick, messy blonde hair made her only want to touch it with her own fingers in an attempt to tame it. He could be categorized under a 'rich boy' with nothing to do with his spare time. Unfortunately, that category attracted her like a moth to a growing flame.  
  
Darien saw the look in her eyes before she had even realized it. She was attracted to that boy, Xander. Yes, in his eyes, Xander was but a mere boy. Everything Xander represented threatened the love that the Princess and Prince had for one another. He checked his anger and counted to ten, sighing at the ridiculous way of calming himself.  
  
Princess Serenity stood up quickly with a blanket wrapped around her nude body and walked over to Prince Xander. She nervously laid her hand on his shoulder and nodded towards the door, telling him that she will meet him outside soon. Xander understood and left the two lovers. But not without throwing another angry glare at Prince Endymion.  
  
Ignoring the dangerous glint in Xander's glare, Endymion walked to Serenity and embraced her from the behind; he did not bother putting his attire on (she had already seen him naked so what was the point in concealing himself like a lower being ashamed of their body?).  
  
Thus, making Serena blush furiously. Endymion certainly resembled Darien in many ways .  
  
Luckily, Serena, along with Darien, stood facing the Princess whom was shielding some part of Endymion's form. But it was only -some-.  
  
And she could still feel the heat radiating from Darien.  
  
"I must go now Endy," the Princess whispered, relaxing against Endymion's strong chest.  
  
"One guess on who your mother wants you to -greet-," he growled. Just the thought of suitors coming to see his Princess grated on his nerves.  
  
"Do not be jealous. Besides, I already have been informed on who the guest is," her angelic voice was enough to calm his racing heart.  
  
"Well then, my love, do enlighten me on whom the gracious guest is that deserves my Princess' attention more than her lover's."  
  
She turned around and smiled.  
  
"It is just Xander's parents, Endy. No worries there." She quickly placed herself in her Royal gown and left.  
  
Endymion stared at the last place she had occupied and sighed.  
  
"Right. No worries -there-", he whispered bitterly.  
  
Serena's sympathetic heart went out to the one the Princess had called 'Endy'. It was obvious to the plain eye that he had placed 'Sere' on a high pedestal where no one would reach. He was so in love with her but she wasn't too sure how Sere felt about him. The look in her imposter's eyes were only filled with one emotion: desire. But as much desire the girl had for Endy, it was not love, but only lust.  
  
Serena's eyes traveled to Darien's and sought them out. Her suspicion had been confirmed by the look of his haunted eyes.  
  
She was not the only one who was seeing the dream . and acknowledged it. 


	5. Chapter Five

Because I'm A Girl

By Tina N. Blair

Disclaimer- this is the standard disclaimer right here and now.  I do not own Sailor Moon, and I have no part in it whatsoever.  So don't sue me since I'm broke and even if you win, you won't get much so you're wasting your time.  The song "Haunted" is by Evanescence.

Summary- She was thrown into her destiny, unknown of the repercussions and the life-changing events that would come.  Her childhood friend now hated who she was while her new friends didn't understand the depths of her pain.  Battered and bruised, she longs to find herself and to be released from her responsibilities.

Chapter Five- Accidental

            They stood there, looking at one another as if in a trance that had only focused on them.  She refused to acknowledge it.  She refused to accept the fact that he had too seen what she had seen.  No freaking way.

            She quickly backed away from him as if his touch had burned her.  If only she had looked up to see his painful reaction to her.  Her two blue orbs darted around, looking at anything that was not him.

- No lost words, whisper slowly, to me   
still can't find what keeps me here -  
  


            Confusion did not begin to describe his current predicament.  This girl always managed to make him lose his mind, or close to it.  One minute she was fine with him, the next she's jumping away from him as if he was the devil incarnate.

            He slowly reached for her, only to have her all but slap his hand away.  He recoiled almost but he kept reaching for her.  He was so close to reaching her, before.  Had she seen the vision too?  Or was that just his wishful thinking?  The uncanny resemblance between his dream princess and her was too much for him.  He felt as if he was being pulled in two different directions.  To say that he didn't like it would have been an outrageous lie.

He was slowly being driven out of his mind.  He knew that now.  Serena was sent to earth for only one thing:  to make him lose control.  No matter how much he tried to resist, he failed terribly.  He was attracted to her like a moth to a flame.  She was the possibility of love and he was the darkness that every being tried to avoid.  

            Except Serena Tsukino.

- And all this time I've been so hollow, inside -

            Although at the current moment, she was doing everything in her power to avoid him.  Something in him snapped.  He instantly grabbed her hand and spun her around to face him.  She let out a startled gasp and instinctively put her fragile hands on his chest, pushing away from him as if he was going to hurt her.

- (I know your still there) -

            Something had snapped in him, he knew that for sure.  It could have been his self-control because at that moment, he made a decision based on pure instinct.  Want.  Take.  Have.

            He cupped her face and moved closer.  Her eyes widened as realization kicked in; she knew what he was about to do.  He knew what he wanted.

- Watching me,  
wanting me

I can feel you haunt me down. -  
  


            His other hand was around her slim waist and pulled her forward.  He could feel her body tense up and immediately ran his hand up and down her back.  With precise movements, he kissed her. He took.

With all the passion he had, all the pent-up emotions he had struggled to keep in check, he kissed her.  He stopped massaging her back and released her with the hand that held her waist.  He took both her arms and with his own, ran them up and down.  He slowly moved them toward the wall and pinned her.  Trapping what was his.  He had.

            He knew that he surprised her.  But another surprise was in store when he felt her slowly give into him and kiss him back.  At first, soft and hesitant.  But as time passed, she was bolder and kissed him with all her might.

- Fearing you,  
loving you,  
I know I'll find you somehow -

            He broke the kiss and trailed kisses along her neck.  In response, she laid her head on his shoulder and moved her arms up and down his back and continued to press into him.

            He was giving up his control.  For her.

            He lifted her up and she quickly wrapped her legs around him.  Rejoicing in his presence.

- Haunting you, I can smell you  
your heart pounding in my head -  
  


            He wrapped his arms around her, refusing to let her go.  She was his, all his and there was not one soul on earth that was going to take her away from him.  He resumed the kiss and she returned it with equal passion.  Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pressed into his being.  He slipped his tongue into her mouth and was pleased to find out that she smiled into the kiss when he had done so.

            Insistent beeping noises penetrated his senses and felt her tense up beside him.  Still, he did not stop or did not shows any signs or stopping.  Until she slowly pushed him away.

            It took them a few seconds to regain their regular breathing pace.  Those few seconds told him that she enjoyed their kiss.

            She looked into his eyes and his breath caught.  Raw desire shone through her eyes that he almost grabbed her again.  But she stepped away and spoke before he had a chance.

- Wanting me,  
fearing me,  
I won't let you haunt me down -   
  


            "I have to go."

            The phrase cut through him like sharp knives thrown at him.  

            "Why?" he had choked out.

- Deceiving me,  
bringing me,  
watching me -

            "I can't tell," but she wanted to.  For the first time since she found out her destiny, she wanted to tell someone.  She wanted to tell him but knew that if she did, the dangers would be too much.  If she told him, the Negaverse could use him against her.  Just like Nephlite and Molly.

- Watching me,  
haunting me,  
I can feel you haunt me down -   
  


"I want you to stay."  He whispered almost brokenly.

            The silence scared him.  It was too much.  She wasn't saying anything.

            But she *did* something.  She kissed him again, one final time.

            Bidding him goodbye.

- Fearing you,  
loving you,  
I won't let you haunt me down -

            And then she ran out the door.  Leaving him alone.  In his cold home.

            He stared at the ground, unable to comprehend what had just surpassed.  Why did she leave?  Did he frighten her?  Did he hurt her?  Why?  He sought to answer his own questions but once again, he failed miserably.

- Watching me,  
wanting me,  
I can feel you haunt me down -  
  


            She ran down the stairs and ran to the park where Sailor Mercury had called her.  She murmured three words and in a minute, she was Sailor Moon.  She was the champion of justice.  Destined to be alone. 

            She wanted to tell him so bad.  She didn't know why but she felt as if he would understand.  That he would make the pain go away.  He would love her even though she did not deserve his love.

            But as sudden as the revelations came, the faster fear chilled her very soul.  He could not know.  Knowing meant that he would constantly look over his shoulder, trying to see if his surroundings were peaceful or hostile.  The weight of the world would be on his shoulders.  And she knew that she could not condemn him to such a curse.  No matter what, she had to protect him.  From the evils of the Negaverse.  From the cruelty of the world.

            But most important, she had to protect him from herself.

- Fearing you,  
loving you,  
I won't let you haunt me down -


End file.
